Thursday, 10 October 2013

Dagger In My Head5

Sometimes I feel lonely, even when she’s fast asleep on the pillow besides me and I light a cigarette, knowing that the click or the cooling bed won’t wake her up. Maybe she doesn’t want to see reality and I can’t blame her, as I walk on and sit on the kitchen, opening the window and wondering what the fuck would I want

What the fuck would I choose

I think everyone should be allowed for feeling a little blue. I turn on the lights above the unused stove and I keep smoking, playing with my cigarette as smoke trails play with the night.

I don’t hear her wake up and when I’m back in bed, she’s still there and it makes me wonder how much does Jamie not know.

I wonder who I’ve been chasing all along and I don’t touch her, even knowing

that she won’t wake up anyway.

It’s ok to be lonely and not pick up the phone to beg for someone to listen to you.

But then what would there be to tell besides my sunken red eyes?


I lay in bed bored, too scared to wake and see her quickly dress up, share a cigarette and breakfast and I’d watch her.

Nothing else would change.

I close my eyes to see myself sleep until her hand goes on my cheek, pulling my hair lightly until I see her exit the room, naked and I’ve got too many thoughts already.

We sit naked in the kitchen, both, smoking before the kettle is ready and I make us tea, give her milk and I watch her stir it faster with the spoon. I’ve heard people say that tea with milk tastes bad and that made me stir, when I was out of the UK, wondering why would such a thought graze your head, but then I stopped thinking about it.

I watch her drink it, before I tilt her head up

Is it turning

That she’s mine?

I don’t know.

I pull her bottom lip, my hands on her shoulders as my fingers travel down to her nipple. I know she’s got time and that’s my only restriction, but I want to hear her out even if I’ve pulled her on top of me on the table and her hand is between my legs.

I gasp, letting my hands fall on the table as she strokes my clit lightly as I get more wet and my breathing becomes shorter, as I am grasping for air, before she starts fingering me and I come, sleepily, not protesting and welcoming her.

I keep breathing hard and even harder when I make her come from my own fingers and I kiss her forehead.

“Can we please go somewhere today?” I ask her, maybe I do have the guts to beg for someone on the phone, only we’ve got no phone and we’ve got the faces.


I've been musing on loneliness and it's pretty much here. I guess I've been having my depressed moments and yeah.

Feel free to request and thank you:3


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