It’s kind of funky.
Now that it becomes crystal clear.
It starts as an itch when I’m laying in bed, thinking about how my roots should be redone and I’m thinking to dye them even a paler blonde, go fully blonde which I haven’t been in years.
I stand up.
I look at myself in the mirror with all the dark circles and constant flicking of the iPhone with occasional pestering texts to Jamie.
Do I look like a lesbian?
How do they even look like anyway?
How do people look like?
It feels awkward with the word on my mouth, but it makes sense, it’s as if everything else can be chucked aside besides the time spent with Kate and I imagine her on my bed all the time or just when Jamie had told me she had made him a bacon sandwich naked, it burns a hole in me again. My life has been turned over by a model, who I had thought stole the love of my life.
Only she was the one holding the sign.
It’s been a few months and she’s still in my head and also in the press when I go to buy milk. I’ve developed a habit where I just drink milk out of the carton and maybe it’s because somewhere I might not be getting nutrition, but I don’t know.
Maybe it’s the increased amount of cigarettes and I open my cigarette box which I had started yesterday and frankly, it’s nearly gone.
I feel that I’ve changed and at the same time, I feel lighter and at the same time there is Kate holding me down and I want to fall.
But she’s not here.
And I’ve called her once.
She didn’t pick up even if I had dropped nearly instantly and she called back, I didn’t have the guts.
What do I say?
It was surely a one time thing and now it’s gone, but she’s opened things which I’ve never thought about just like looking at my old childhood photos and thinking, man, I look like a dyke.
I really want her to be in my door and I want to feel her against me, I want to press her against the wall.
But that doesn’t happen. Instead I take everything I have left of my courage and I ring her doorbell, my hood up in a teenager manner, maybe there had been something I had missed before not going after girls
And I start recalling all the girls which have had pressed their lips against my own and I wonder why had I washed my lips with soap, why had I not counted them as equal and I’m amused at my own homophobia and I ring again to have Jamie open up, eating some toast-
Most likely they just woke up and he offers me the second piece he was holding in his hand.
He starts telling me of these tunes he’d written and Kate is in the kitchen, flicking through Vogue and I can’t help but smile at her, feeling flushed and I just sit opposite her, as Jamie makes more toast and I try to concentrate on the grayness of his shirt.
It’s funny how I’d want to trace my fingers on it and I’d try to distract myself from him with something else and now, it’s the opposite, Jamie is my distraction.
I wonder if I can just blend into the background and watch Kate from there, but instead she waits for Jamie to leave the room, which takes about ten minutes and raises her eyes from the press.
-
I am so sorry that it took a while, as I've been really immersed into Milex fanfiction as it is seen. I'm planning to hopefully do in ideal one Milex chapter one request. I'm so sorry T__T don't hate me XD
It felt nice and refreshing to come back to write about queer women and I enjoyed kind of coming back to Alison after the short break.
I hope you enjoyed it and feel free to request the next chapter :3
<3
Now that it becomes crystal clear.
It starts as an itch when I’m laying in bed, thinking about how my roots should be redone and I’m thinking to dye them even a paler blonde, go fully blonde which I haven’t been in years.
I stand up.
I look at myself in the mirror with all the dark circles and constant flicking of the iPhone with occasional pestering texts to Jamie.
Do I look like a lesbian?
How do they even look like anyway?
How do people look like?
It feels awkward with the word on my mouth, but it makes sense, it’s as if everything else can be chucked aside besides the time spent with Kate and I imagine her on my bed all the time or just when Jamie had told me she had made him a bacon sandwich naked, it burns a hole in me again. My life has been turned over by a model, who I had thought stole the love of my life.
Only she was the one holding the sign.
It’s been a few months and she’s still in my head and also in the press when I go to buy milk. I’ve developed a habit where I just drink milk out of the carton and maybe it’s because somewhere I might not be getting nutrition, but I don’t know.
Maybe it’s the increased amount of cigarettes and I open my cigarette box which I had started yesterday and frankly, it’s nearly gone.
I feel that I’ve changed and at the same time, I feel lighter and at the same time there is Kate holding me down and I want to fall.
But she’s not here.
And I’ve called her once.
She didn’t pick up even if I had dropped nearly instantly and she called back, I didn’t have the guts.
What do I say?
It was surely a one time thing and now it’s gone, but she’s opened things which I’ve never thought about just like looking at my old childhood photos and thinking, man, I look like a dyke.
I really want her to be in my door and I want to feel her against me, I want to press her against the wall.
But that doesn’t happen. Instead I take everything I have left of my courage and I ring her doorbell, my hood up in a teenager manner, maybe there had been something I had missed before not going after girls
And I start recalling all the girls which have had pressed their lips against my own and I wonder why had I washed my lips with soap, why had I not counted them as equal and I’m amused at my own homophobia and I ring again to have Jamie open up, eating some toast-
Most likely they just woke up and he offers me the second piece he was holding in his hand.
He starts telling me of these tunes he’d written and Kate is in the kitchen, flicking through Vogue and I can’t help but smile at her, feeling flushed and I just sit opposite her, as Jamie makes more toast and I try to concentrate on the grayness of his shirt.
It’s funny how I’d want to trace my fingers on it and I’d try to distract myself from him with something else and now, it’s the opposite, Jamie is my distraction.
I wonder if I can just blend into the background and watch Kate from there, but instead she waits for Jamie to leave the room, which takes about ten minutes and raises her eyes from the press.
-
I am so sorry that it took a while, as I've been really immersed into Milex fanfiction as it is seen. I'm planning to hopefully do in ideal one Milex chapter one request. I'm so sorry T__T don't hate me XD
It felt nice and refreshing to come back to write about queer women and I enjoyed kind of coming back to Alison after the short break.
I hope you enjoyed it and feel free to request the next chapter :3
<3
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