It’s funny how the tabloids didn’t pick up anything and everyone was left musing what had broken up the perfect couple.
Alex stayed at mines and it had been summer, so he stayed at the balcony burning every single cigarette until he had burnt them all and had asked me for notebooks. I had ripped everything which had scribbles which would be lyrics later and he had started burning paper, making planes and weird figures which was uselessly taught in primary school or even sooner and then he’d burn them.
He told me to go buy more cigarettes and then he had started cutting out dinosaurs and burning them as well.
“I hope you don’t burn that one which looks like me.” I pointed to the one which has a haircut which resembled mine but had strong arms, something which I’d have to workout to get.
“Don’t worry. I’ll keep the head.” Alex smirked for once, blowing the smoke out with the cigarette in his mouth and I took my own, scared to touch his and he seemed pretty energized, as if all the energy he had held to have Alexa was now all going to the trash.
“I slipped that I had loved you when she confronted me and said that I need someone to go to the awards with.” I just blinked at that sudden confession, hell, if I was Alexa, I’d hit him.
“That’s not a very nice thing to say, Al.” But he has more to say.
“I told her that I didn’t love her anymore. Maybe I’m a blabbermouth. I mean, we’ve spent more time together and the album. I dunno, fuck.” He started cutting out some buildings which are burning and if I was a child psychologist I’d be concerned with the amount of bizarre drawing he’s doing, all that is missing is a cock with numerous heads. “I dunno, I guess I just fell out of love. You were avoiding me when I met her. Fuck, I was daft.”
I gulped, feeling guilty for all that had happened and I took a random paper and start cutting an alligator.
“Why the fuck are you cutting out an alligator?” Alex had asked me biting his cigarette and I just shrugged to which Alex’s hand started playing with my hair. “No, really.”
“Coz I feel bad, it’s going to protect me.” I eased at him playing with my hair, threading his fingers into it and I was happy it had grown longer and I felt his fingers slide to my cheek and stroke it with his thumb.
“Then I’m killing that cunt.” And my eyes snapped open. “Not leaving anyone between you and me, mate. Not again.”
Arabella had fallen asleep, now with Alex rocking her like mad and me laying in a bizarre tired position on the couch. Fuck, how I’m supposed to do this by myself? But then isn’t this just like the first month. So far she’s hated everything on Alex’s iPod, well, nearly everything, some rap stuff he had listened to when he was a teen, which made me thankful that Arabella wouldn’t scream for it. It was ironic in my eyes that she had liked the White Stripes, which I just felt like listening to out of the blue.
“Do you think I can put her in her bed?” Alex whispers, barely making any noise and I nod. He goes to the room and puts her in her wee bed. We’re not too far off from her bedroom and frankly I’ve had thoughts or rather I had wanted Alex too much. He walks back and all of a sudden, I feel... I don’t feel alone.
I pull him on top of me as soon as he gets near me and his lips are on my own and are tongues are rubbing. I slide my hand under his black shirt and he already starts unzipping my pants.
My mind is racing and I hope she won’t wake up not even as much for our sake, but for the fact that I want her to rest as she’s been happily entertained by both of us and blown enough bubbles to bust a whole kleenex box.
I don’t know if I should pull away
I don’t know how long will he stay.
I don’t know how long will he be faithful
I don’t know Al sometimes, which is funny, because I do, I know he’s fucking scared. I know every stupid thing he’s done, I know that one time he tried cocaine and it went wrong and we had left ourselves wondering what the fuck had been in that mix.
I pull his lip and Alex moans, trying to get me out of my pants.
I lean back and I see him and it feels like I’m seeing him for the first time, when I can’t believe that he’s with me, that we’re together even if it’s highly twisted.
I pull off his shirt and I start biting his neck as he pulls down both my underwear and pants. I strip him, while biting his neck.
Both of us are breathing heavily at this point as we are both naked and on top of each other. I intertwine my fingers with his and I notice how his quiff is ruined with all the ruffling and my hair being short, I’m guessing is nearly untouched. I trace his cock with my finger, before taking it in my hand and I start stroking him slowly, causing Al to pull my lip and I watch him, barely holding myself from touching myself.
“I love you, Miles.” I blink, feeling a bit flushed and I kiss him on the lips, holding the kiss. Alex smirks as we both pull back and he moans, leaning his head back, exposing his neck even more and I take the opportunity to suck on it. “Do you still love me?”
I am surprised and taken a bit back at the question and I kiss his neck again.
“Yes. Why wouldn’t I?” I push myself a bit up to be on one level with his eyes, still stroking him.
“Because I’ve been a wanker for the past... years.” I guess he wanted to say few, but it’s been more than a while. I just shrug, increasing the speed.
“Al, I love you, it’s fine, I can’t just kick you out of the closet. You saw me, I- I don’t think I want to see that.” And I recall my suicide incident, how I had just fell into the lake, the jump seemed natural, some natural sick progression which the world had wanted me to do, but Alex had yanked me out of death. I’d do the same, I’ve been doing the same only the suicide attempts had been different, the target had been life instead.
“I know, that’s what... scared me.” Alex closes his eyes in pleasure as I start tracing his tip with my fingers. I kiss him again before I slowly slide a finger inside him. He bites his lips, holding a moan and I start making out with him, ruffling his hair, feeling how harsher his hair is from the gel, makes me smile and I keep kissing him.
“I’m here.” And Alex spreads his legs wider and I position myself before going inside him, causing both of us to moan. He starts thrusting with me and I can’t help but feel over the edge already, pulling his lips, sucking, my hand back to his cock and stroking it.
“I love you.” I don’t know who keeps saying it or if it’s a dialogue of the same feeling as we keep thrusting and in the end, Alex shifts position going on top and to be honest it just takes a few thrusts before I come from him going up and down and watching him
I come, lifting myself up to kiss him and he comes as well, moaning loudly and crushing me in a hug.
We collapse on opposite sides of the couch and I wonder if it’s because we’re not to used to each other’s touch. I close my eyes and I’m still breathing through my mouth and so is Al, he pokes me in the side with his leg and I nod stretching my hand behind to get the pack of kleenex to clean both of us.
“We could take a bath, but if Arabella wakes up, I’ll leave you there to drown.” I smirk and find the power to crawl back to him and kiss him again. Alex just smirks and keeps kissing me. Eventually we both fill up the tub with some weird bubble bath soap I had bought in Lush just for the smell and I’m guessing we will be smelling like fairies by the end of it. We both get in, it’s not hot enough for me, but I know Alex prefers it closer to lukewarm. I kept the door open, since the bathroom is literally besides the baby room. For once I’m happy the flat isn’t too big.
I stick my head under the water and I feel Alex’s fingers playing with my hair and I emerge to see him.
The only person I’m still scared of is Alexa, she still scares me, because unlike Arielle she just wasn’t there to cover things up, it was because Alex was scared and couldn’t deal with me just sitting there, waiting for my parents to call. Funny, I was more scared when he had been choosing a ring for Alexa than him being with Arielle. But I don’t have the guts to ask him if he’ll leave her.
Obviously I was first, but what if the second is always better?
It had been weird, getting Al back.
It had even been when Alexa had been home with Alex and she had opened the door, I had tried to look better, I really tried. I had been hungry from our encounter but Al had left in the morning, which was the first of many in the years to follow. She had been in and I saw how cute she was. Obviously Alex would go for someone attractive. His hair had grown even more from that encounter which marked his first cheating. We all sat down, drinking tea and Alexa just knew that there had been a massive fallout between me and my parents, she didn’t question it, was surprised that I hadn’t insisted harsher on truce, but then I couldn’t. Truce would mean living with a woman. That was the only thing the other side wanted and would put up to consideration. Cheating was seen just as unholy for once and sex wasn’t seen as a necessity, something to never obsess over.
That’s why when I had been younger and the porn magazines would be passed over I really struggled to understand why would I want a girl on her knees, but I had still done it, feeling my hand numb and I hadn’t done it too much, until I realized that well, you do need to wank.
When Alexa had left to the bathroom I had grabbed Alex fast and pressed a harsh kiss against him and he didn’t kiss me back at first, but then pulled me closer, ruffling my hair, but when she was out, we were back and sitting.
Alex had offered to take me back home and well, not knowing anything which was only known to a few people and even then, they had kept their mouths shut, we had just started making it official when my parents had cut off the wires giving me confidence.
Once we were out I had been itching to touch Alex and my whole body was aching, it was as if I was rediscovering my sexuality and my attraction and his hair seem to attract me, it was long and I had too many images of it in my head, playing with it, pulling it, threading it post sex. Everything. Alex had caught me staring, but he didn’t do anything.
When we had headed back, it was the same thing all over. It was both of us on top of each other, but we didn’t have any conversation, we had just moaned or asked each other to go faster, switch positions, nagged that the rug wasn’t a good idea and had shifted to the bed. Went for a quick break, both of closing our eyes before fucking again. I won’t even remember it in massive detail, just that I had felt empty as Alex was about to leave.
“You know. We could-” I had started, but instead Alex had glared at me, putting on his jean jacket, leaving half of it tucked with the jacket. He just shook his head.
“Miles. You freaked out. I freaked out. That’s it.”
“You cheated on her twice with me, Al. Surely, there is nothing between the both of you!” I had said and the covers had been around me, I had felt cold and I felt that I was slipping into oblivion again, wondering why had he dragged me out of the water.
“What if I love her?” And I wished I had lost all of Alex at the moment when he had said it and went to the corridor to do his shoes and leave, without looking back. I had really wished that he had left me, left me in that water. But I knew I wouldn’t harm myself, everything was just going to repeat itself, every damn nightmare until I would memorize them all.
I should’ve reminded him that I loved him still.
I close my eyes and I try not to wince as Alex finds the odd family of rubber duckies which had been given by a fan and starts playing with them, putting them in a line, but soon enough they swim away.
“When did you start fancying me?” I ask Al, sure enough that I had asked it a billion of times. Alex thinks for a small while, blowing wind against the rubber ducky as it doesn’t even get close to reaching me, so I help him and get it to my side.
I don’t know why aren’t we together.
Alex smirks and gets closer to me.
“When we were recording the album.” He thinks it’s funny and even pokes my nose with a rubber duck which looks pretty shady with some sun glasses. I watch the duck from up close and it looks like some weird crook. I should lock that shit up.
“Aw, fuck off. You told me you loved me way before that, you twat.” I mumble lovingly and pull him closer into a hug.
“Surely when you wore eyeliner.” Alex smirks. But thinks for a bit more, maybe just taking the piss. “Yeah, I’ve got an exact moment.”
“When we had both fallen asleep on the floor after listening to every single vinyl you had, skipping a bunch and drinking some wine I had gotten recommended after we had gone big. I was scared of some gig and you had just forced me to drink. Right before I had fallen asleep I started recalling Matt who stopped hanging without us and I realized that well... I had enjoyed it.
I had really enjoyed being with you, even if in my head I was heavily drunk and I didn’t want myself to wake up in the morning, forgetting that I love you.
You were passed out and I had actually bothered, I fucking bothered to write down in my notebook that I loved you.” And I can see Alex with half his hair standing vertically from the bad attempt at hair gel and his eyes in kohl as well, as we had decided to see if he looked good in it and in the end he ended up with arrows and it was crooked because I was laughing so hard.
He had told me he had burnt a notebook in Paris, just walked outside and lit it and he was complaining that it wasn’t burning too fast and when it did, the ash had flown against his face and he mocked himself, that what he wrote, won’t really leave him.
I know I've been obsessed with Gandalf's Inhaler, but hey here's an update and a sex scene xD
I guess what I found weird is that I hadn't actually went graphic on a sex scene in this story so far even if it had been hinted, which is odd, because I tend to be quite graphic and just as I can't hold tension, neither can I hold a sex scene.
I can assure you there will be more ahead in flashbacks or not, there will be :3
Oh, France and The Last Shadow Puppets. cjdsjkchkdc There's still so much to tell and Arabella will continue being cute :3
I'm pretty sleepy and happy that I finished this chapter yay xD
I was pretty much inspired thinking of Alex's and Alexa's relationship. Oh, I finally got IT by Alexa in my hands. I'll end up buying it at some point, I guess, but didn't really catch my eye today.
I think I'll do Gandalf's Inhaler tomorrow, but does anyone have a preference? :)
Feel free to request and I hope you love the story as much as I do:3