Thursday, 1 March 2012

In the pines, in the pines

When I was a kid I had a little pine, Christmas tree, I used to just glance at it, not pay attention and now there are too much plants and no pine, just stale smoke in the air and the lights off, as my fingers tremble.

I try to think of that tree for whatever reason how I wanted it to grow and hang random things on it and in the end I did with Alison.

Now Kate does.

He sits near me and lights his cigar, hand running up my thigh.

I find the song and CD he chooses ironic and I just hold my head down, as I feel his lips tinger against my cheek and his hair is curly and I kiss him. I let my tongue wonder off in his mouth and then he pulls back.

“My girl, my girl, don’t lie to me”

He inhales and I just put my head down for a bit as I feel his fingers go around my neck, he holds my neck in his hands and I don’t breathe and then I look up, knowing that Alison is gone and Kate won’t show up.

I look at how he undoes my shirt.

“Where did you sleep last night?” Jack completes the song and I just shake, my bottom lip turning into ice and the words mumble themselves with my saliva, I don’t swallow, I just shake and stare at the man who I love.

He completes the song and he leans backwards, pushes me onto the floor.

I look at him in the dark with the song on repeat as it finnishes and he kicks me in the ribs, a pain digging in my body and I cough to get air, but I don’t move, wondering if I could get a pillow, let Jack be my pillow, before we sat, in the living room, naked and he started blowing me after telling me to marry.

I wouldn’t marry Alison, it had to be someone neutral, someone like Kate, who would go and would leave me for the night.

Yesterday she saw the bruise on my neck and kissed it, I just got tense, but she kept her lips there and I kissed her, thinking it were Jack, even if the body attracted me and I made love to a woman for the first time feeling it in years, not some excuse with Kate.

We both snuck out, Jack calling Alison and checking on the cupboards as I hid in a luggage bag, shivering, wishing to call out his name and feeling the heavy thrusts inside me.

I touched myself and came in the luggage, breating out when he left and numbly sucking on my fingers before I had a proper meal with Alison, herself taking my hand, saying how skinny I were, I wouldn’t eat much, I’d just think of the man I love-

Who kicks me again in the ribs and cries.

He tells me he loves me.

And kicks me again, grabs me from the floor and hurls me into a wall and his fist going backwards I expect a punch and it clashes with my cheek, blood going into my mouth and my tongue bit in the process, my eyes gets hit next time and he keeps crying, yelling that I am a whore, which he made.

And I look at him, how he hammers my shoulder a few times and it starts to ache. It starts to ache a lot and he hits my head against the wall, my fringe with blood used now as glue and I cannot see through my left eye and his tears smear across his face and the stale smoke is my scarf.

And I wrap myself in it.

Alison screams, I just rememeber how she yells at me to get up, but she doesn’t do anything, neather do I for the man I love. I stand up after a few punches go to my back and my fingers were bit when I was luying on the floor.

Blood is rushing, I feel like my brain is having a blood jacuzzi and he kicks me in the stomach and I fall down again, watching him kick me until I grab his leg and pull, maybe the last energy I will ever have. I don’t hurl him down the stairs, I grab his hair and pull, wondering if I could would I cut off his head.

I grab his neck and he looks at me, breathing

I tighten my grib

I don’t strangle him.

I stare into his eyes with my one own and leave him there after a few kicks on the ribs, when patches of blood are seen through and I grab a bit yellow pot which is something which is not a fir tree and Kurt is singing again.

“Don’t lie to me.”


I had that idea in the bus, but I had a completely different couple in mind and there wasn't a love triangle there, just abuse, domestic abuse actually, which is what I will be doing tomorrow, but I have a different plot for tomorrow's.

The plot besides being created on the bus, was inspired by Nirvana's cover of "Where Did You Sleep Last Night" which is quite a depressing song and so beautiful, getting back into Placebo and Nirvana recently, been off them for years, so rediscovering is a wonderful thing.

The song itself is beautiful and I wanted to use the whole married thing and pine trees. I had that little tree when I had been a child, I tend to give my child things to Jamie apparently, like Lucky the dalmatian in Lucky Screams :3

Thank you for the request and I think it was the first or one of the first times I've actually described a fight, as I've described murders, tortures, abuses but never fights or something similar to the one I've just written.

Really really hope you enjoyed it.

Feel free to request even if I have a few currently:)

<3 Alone in my kitchen

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