Vodka nulls the dreams.
Until you drink another doze again to forget certain images which flash in the mind, flesh on flesh, divided by flesh, a threesome on the edge of sodomy back when me and Nicky were struggling if we wanted girls or not, managing to sneak back home on a break with a bottle for the two of us.
And we sat watching television, flicking through channels vodka nulling the mind just like it does now and I have managed to stop hearing the party going on this monday and the crap music and all the sex they have.
Sex is depressing.
There is no feeling of being a man all you do is release fluid to make a baby.
I start shaking recalling how my sister walked to us downstairs and Nicky would keep singing her name and she sat between us and we could both see her bra.
She tried vodka with us.
Wire took off his shirt and was jumping around the house, waking ourselves up before giving us the bottle.
“Rich, we’re out.” And I wobbled to get vodka from a friend of Nicky’s who lived a block away, explaining who was I and I had been bright red, but I wanted the booze, I had too much on my mind, thinking how to get my roommate to stop bringing girls over early in the morning, thinking that if he did that late that would disturb me even more.
I nudged the door back and Rachel was lying in Nicky’s lap.
“Are you a virgin, Richey?” Rachel laughs.
“No.” I say softly, taking a cigarette from a laying on the floor box and the rug is now my kingdom. I exhale the cigarette smoke, trying to concentrate on it erasing my thoughts of blood stains on the corridor walls, leading me to think what if there were a muder.
I’d be a victim.
I’d just be stabbed in the back or even killed by a toaster.
I’d be dead.
“Neither am I.” Rachel says motioning with her hands to give her a fag.
I lean down and give her mine through my lips and then Nicky says how good looking we are. I just lean my head sideways to see Nick, who leans closer to both of us and he kisses me, just briefly on the lips.
“I love you, Rich.” And then he touches Rachel’s breast, sticking his tongue in my mouth. Rachel’s hands go on Nicky’s zipper and she unzips them revealing Nicky’s erection and a bit faded blue boxers.
“Kiss your sister. That should be sexy.” And he laughs as he nudges us and Rachel kisses me on the lips, her hands now going down my torso. I shiver, pulling away, scared of a taboo even if I have no religion but I stick my tongue in her mouth.
Vodka will null me.
I take the bottle and take a gulp, coughing before Wire takes off his underwear and deals with Rachel’s dress.
I don’t understand if I am turned on or not, but we make out, all three of us, all sexually frustrated and Rachel
fuck is she still underage?
Wire slides down her underwear and positions his cock at her entrance.
“I always wanted to fuck you, ma’am.” And he thrusts slowly in, cupping her breasts as Rachel smiles and arches her back. I just drink watching Wire penetrate my sister as I starts touching myself.
Her mouth is open too wide.
I slide my cock inside her mouth, stroking her face.
Suck, sister, suck. I say it or whisper, thrusting harder and harder she gags once so
I stop thrusting as hard, instead, slower and teasing as she strokes the base of my cock.
I stroke her face and Wire comes slowly afterwards and I’m still here, drinking vodka as she sucks me off.
She suggests anal and soon enough after the mere thought I come in her mouth.
Wire makes Rachel come by his mouth, grateful for cheap actually free sex with my sister?
We sit watching night television naked until I am lulled enough by the alcohol to fall asleep on the couch naked and then get dragged into my room, most likely by them both so that I won’t dream.
I finish the bottle.
I don’t dream or think either.
Richey Edwards would be one of my idols and people who fascinate me for a long while and one thing which really pisses me off is how people judge him for whatever for the prostitute interview for instance, which is the best interview I've ever read with his honesty.
People do it.
And in the end no cares about and he just said the truth without a single lie.
I just love Richey a lot and he had influenced me in many ways, my writing and Richard: the novel was very disappointing, for instance missing a lot of facts for instance Richey's sexuality or his relationship with Wire, I'm not just someone who believes that they shagged and had babies. No. I don't think they ever did if being fully honest and closing my fangirlism but for fuck's sake they had tension, you can't just fucking throw that away or the fact that Richey was seen kissing men?
The request had been a drunk Richey/Nicky/Rachel.
The whole vodka thing, well, Richey was an alcoholic and it all started from-
Ok, I know I even talk basic facts, but I quite like it that was used to lull him to sleep which eventually became a habit.
What I'm sad is that in reality I don't think we'll be able to crack Richey and for fuck's sake he didn't commit suicide, too much things against it and Richey was never ever weak.
He was the human we all are, just unlike everyone he decided to be sensitive about it and escape.