Schizomilk 5

Jack kept visiting me.

He would take this frisbee and we would play with it.

The frisbee was a sky blue with little stars on it, matching the theme of my spaceship room and-

The room is too small, so the frisbee would hit the wall and fall on my head, but it was ok because it was soft, like I had one in my childhood, a different colour but it were just as soft and I wondered if it were the same one and it kept falling on my head and Jack would take it off.

I smiled.

I shouldn’t smile.

It reminded me of the days when my hair was black and I was too good, that I would find someone but because I was too good, no one would have the guts to go and here I am locked and Jack keeps hitting me with a frisbee.

Then Jamie joined, smoking a cigarette, making his voice deeper and I looked at the two men and I wanted them to make out, I wouldn’t have either, so let no one else besides them have them, even if I had a bit of Jack for a while, before the future we didn’t want to think about came on us and we just fled off.

I took Jamie’s cigarette as it was not only my turn to be hidden, but Jamie’s as well and Jack glued the wallpaper, but he started coming in my dreams, when I’d hold the light open and my eyes closed and Jamie would stroke my hair.

I would dream of the man I briefly loved and sometimes I would go back to myself and corner myself from Jamie who would not inhale but hold the cigarette in his mouth to slowly burn away and kiss his lips, until then he’d look up, his hands spread out and I started then drawing pictures on the ceiling, to distract us both until Jack would bring us food and tell how Kate would come back to life and laugh.

“Did she?” Jamie or I would ask.

“No.” He’d laugh and we would laugh silently, nowhere in our bodies the laugh would start and pulse through out something which didn’t lack Kate’s existence.

We didn’t miss Kate, at least that’s what I’ve told myself until I took my hands and spread out Jamie’s mouth to count the mice wondering in my head.

There were days when I would stick my feet against the stars and my mind would tell me my name and what were my thought before the dream of Kate with an axe appeared, cutting my throat in half, now I slit the throat with my fingers and I even mumbled, wanting Jamie to know that I can speak, but not here what I would speak of.

We would talk, when his eyes went down and cigarette would fall from his mouth.

Jack would light his cigarettes and his hat with feathers would tickle my nose.

“Jack.” And I stared.

And he stared.

And Jamie stared above.

Everything was a sin and he was a widowed man with two previous lovers and the nights would fall like a damaged curtain and Jack would stand there giving me his top hat.

“Jamie sees nothing.” I am the sane one and Jack kisses me, as Jamie prays to the above.

Jack touches me and Jamie looks down.

Jack’s tongue flashes in my mouth and Jamie takes the cigarette from his mouth.

Jack’s hand goes under my shirt and Jamie stabs Jack’s neck with the cigarette and burns the feathers with a lighter.

Both men stand up and I touch myself as they hurl each other around the room, such a weird instinct taht the woman wants the man to fight and defeat for her, as I had two men in this case and both wouldn’t stop even blood and hair and a nail on the floor and I would giggle, playing myself between their legs.

We should all have sex and I pull them down and Jack kisses Jamie, as Jamie kisses Jack and the room is lit, the room has no Kate, no sin just a praying Jamie, as he undoes his belt and Jack takes it to bite the belt through and give the brown leather for me to wear as a bracelet as if I would have braces and I try to put them on my teeth, but it doesn’t really work, nothing really works as I am stripped from my clothing and both men go inside and I hold hands from both, my body moving back and forth from both.

There is no Kate, but I feel her watching me with a gun and shooting her head with every thrust with blood soaking her blue dress, matching the room and the shot gives a pain through my body, but they don’t stop and I don’t ask them to.

I feel as if I’m bleeding but I don’t and the liquid is not only their sperm and my cum, but their saliva as they lick me clean.

And Kate’s gun shines and sprakles too much, maybe it has tiny crystals that you don’t see that they are crystals and they were done by strong men who jerked off and fucked her in the face, maybe in her nose.

Or ears, the pierced holes.

I spread my hands and sit up slightly, maybe to find God like Jamie did with that small cigarette and the controversy is in these walls, as we all shiver to the sex we had between lovers and how we all eat some water with spoons, bronze, gold and silver with creepy faces spoons and how Jack throws the frisbee only this time on Jamie’s face.

Is it how he attracts chicks?

But then is Jamie isn’t a chick, would I be yellow and a chick?

Maybe and I close my eyes to count the thoughts of the both men around me and I pull them onto my bed.

Schizomilk 6