Schizomilk 6

Jamie had locked himself out, using as he said mint wallpaper with pink swirls to stick me here as he would sit outside with arms across his chest and talk to everyone who suspected him.

Jamie had an alibi.

I didn’t.

I could buy one, I guess or fake it, but the point was I was away from it under the swirls of eternity and I started thinking how could I do something.

I had a bathroom, maybe I clawed it out in my sleep, but I just had to walk-

I could go outside and use the other door to see Jamie.

I brushed my teeth, washed my face and was excited to see Jamie, before seeing the plain window instead of the door, I peeked out to see people and then sat on the rug, waiting for the bathtub to fill in as the water slowly started leaking out onto my feet as I stole Kate’s blue nail varnish and started colouring my nails, chewing my lips, wishing I had chewing gum.

Maybe Jamie had chewing gum.

I walked past a few people who were asking Jamie questions, all of them holding papers instead of technology and the seemed to have no heads, maybe I was dreaming or was too bored to note the differences in faceless people.

“Alison!” Jamie yells, hands still crossed and the people turn their attention towards me, they call me a caveman and take a few photos and Jamie continues screaming my name as I head back and lock myself in the bathroom, for when the people open the door I’m back in my infinite state as I looked at the drawn ceiling and try to sleep with the people flashing their lights on the bathroom that sometimes in the night, I think the wallpaper caught the light after all.

Jack didn’t come.

Jamie was outside, shaking and started mumbling too many words outside and begging the walls to bring Kate back and I would throw the ring against the walls, until the stones would break, maybe then my luck would go worse without wearing full stones.

But it didn’t, things stayed the same, I took off the ring and no one came, I put it back on and no one came as well.

I started thinking of Jack sometimes and wondering where would his love sick songs go. I wondered if I would meet back at his how would I explain myself and would we love when there would be no love?

What if you don’t need love and I hug my bear to look at all the hair which is my stage as my fingers try to clean the stage of my face where he could kiss if he wanted.

We wouldn’t be able to hold the kiss for long would we, we would get bored and just pull away causing some scene to leak silence as his arm would be across mine.

I was loved without love and I strike out my fingers looking at the new blue.

In the night I walked out to see Jamie.

I walked out onto a wide street, I even forgot street names and there were busses and people gave me cigarettes when I asked them and I wandered off, some people asked me and I said my name was Ginger and I bought two beers one for me and the other for Jamie, who when I came back was watching television, dumbly, some trash TV as if Kate was here.

I sat near his legs on the floor, he patted my head and called me Katie.

I closed my eyes and cried.

Jack wouldn’t have called me Karen or Meg, but Jack wasn’t here.

Jack wouldn’t show up.

Jack didn’t have an alibi, at least something he did not want to give which was most likely some quick kiss he had with Meg and now he hides his head as Meg would have to confirm it even if there is no one to hide it from and I sleep with Jamie sometimes if he is going for me.

Three single men.

I’m not even a woman anymore, maybe I could pee standing.

I tried in the bathtub and it wouldn’t aim, I turned on the water and my coat soaked it up before it was shut off due to some technical difficulties in the opposite houses with little children, I lit one of Jack’s left cigars anyway and tried to hang the ashes on the wall and lure death, maybe it would take it and me away along with the lack of love in humanity and perhaps in life.

I walk out soaking the rug to Jamie, who has a gelled head and we look at each other.

Jamie says we’re The Kills and I agree, he leaves the room, picks a guitar after a while and plays, as I just tap my finger against the sofa, trash TV now being my sweet, too sweet but I can’t spit it out, there is no trash can for the real usage of it or no recycling and then he walks back in a suit and plays chords I know and doesn’t allow me to sing, asking my head to be on his shoulder, as I am his best friend and I show him the ring.

“I know you’re Kate.” But I’m not. “And neither is Jack Jack.”

Apparently the nearly used cigar is giving me away, but I’m not Jack, I’m just a Jack cigar user who inhales to deep and inhales in your mouth, Jamie and I kiss him, he just looks at me and plays.

“Kate, we have to keep the tension. And neither is Jack Jack.” Jamie tells me before I ask and tells me he’ll get me a nicer, nicer ring and that Alison is nothing to him, just a band member and I have to listen, playing with the nail varnish, scrubbing it off with my fingers which is a fun thing to do when you are Kate to someone who she loves or is loved back.

Schizomilk 7