Stale Smoke In A Running Circle3

I wake up to see Alex nudge me saying it’s the end and we sit up and starts to feel like morning and the sky looks like ice as I barely glance at him but instead he just stares at me.

I feel too old as if I will be the ice in there as well and not the melted one, the clouds and the water as the sun starts to drift out and I wonder if the shops will as well and I’ll be able to grab something and just sit at a bench.

It’s too cold for this, but we sit anyway, Alex doesn’t go away and neither do I. We just stare a bit at the ground in front of us and I glance at the teenager.

I could kiss him.

Jamie kisses girls.

Instead my hands are deeper in my pockets, trying to make non existent holes and I think of the girl he’s seeing with her hair and her smiles and how she barely can reply, something like I were only I were chucked aside and then with an ‘oh’ I was chucked back into a band and I feel Alex moving a bit slower and looking at my hair how bitten it looks from that night I took scissors and while jumping on the bed with Jamie watching, the chastity belt of a relation upon his lips I had cut off bits off my hair and laughed.

I loved him too much and there was nothing Alex could do, as he just smiled at it, the wind and how cold it were getting, Jamie's old coat looking warmer than his nice jacket.

He didn’t move or do anything, neither did I.

Alex ended up suggesting coffee and we walked in a small coffee store, instead of a bar I had thought we’d sulk in, but due to time we made it to breakfast and he had gotten something I had eaten and he had watched me it.

He was still in school and listened to me missing out months as I sipped my coffee and he just smiled, envious and jealous and a bit of a crush feel most likely, I’m becoming too stale for my twenties so I try to smile.

We depart, at least I think we do, but instead he lies that he has the same bus and we go through London, my legs bent and his fingers trying to catch my hair and I want a smoke realising how many fags I’ve missed and once we get out Alex lights me one.

He wants to say he likes me and most likely I will be the subject of his masturbation, but he keeps silent and I let out too much smoke into London, my head leaned above to see the city with it’s feel and stroke my eyes before they close. I might be home.

Stale Smoke In A Running Circle4